Protein Shakes

Orange, banana, chocolate, vanilla...it doesn't matter the flavor, they all are HORRIBLE!! I gag just to get them down.  But on the HUGE bonus side, I am down 16.2 lbs. in a week! That is not so horrible. :) It makes me quite happy, in fact.  It makes me see that I can do this. 

Yesterday was just an all around not so good day.  It started with the night before.  I drank a new vanilla protein shake and within a few hours, I was really, really dizzy; to the point that I vomited.  It was pretty bad.  I was incredibly weak and just felt sick.  Then Sunday morning started out rough, getting the kids out the door for church and then just some misunderstandings with Cecil and I.  He told me on the way to church that he just didn't think I was ready for this journey.  It really got me thinking.  Am I ready to not have food be a major part of my life?  Am I ready and able to say no to food when it is offered to me?  Am I going to be able to do this?  I thought about it all day.  We talked some more about it when we got home.  He told me he just wanted his happy Mandy back.  I'm not happy when I can't be in the kitchen.  That is where I feel like my talents are.  I miss that, but I also know that I will be able to cook again.  I will be able to bake again.  I just can't do a lot of that right now because it is too hard when I can only have these silly protein shakes.  Then last night we fed the Elders.  Cecil and I decided together that we would just eat a little bit of the meat and sauce but no noodles from the lasagna.  We also had a little bit of salad and a chocolate chip cookie.  We had about the same amount of portion that I will be eating after I am banded.  I was fine!  Did I want more?  Of course.  But was I full?  Of course!  That experience made me realize that, yes, indeed, I want the band.  I want to continue on this journey that I started a week ago today.  I can do this and I will be healthier and happier for doing it.  It is going to be hard.  I know that.  I know that some days will suck.  I walked two miles this morning and now I am starving.  I don't get my shake for another 4 hours.  I will just have to be hungry this morning.  It felt really good to get back on the road this morning though.  I didn't get out once last week.

I can face this challenge.  I will become a better person for it.  I will never see the number on the scale that I saw last Monday again.  I will never see the number on the scale that I saw today again!  I am ready for my divorce with food! 

The Liquid Diet...

If I had to remember the exact date, I think it would be June 27 or 28, 2013.  I had previously thought I was pregnant, and on one of those 2 days, found out I wasn't.  That was a life changing moment for me.  I called Dr. Bushman's office in Lubbock, Texas, and asked Yolanda, the Lap Band coordinator, what I needed to do to start the process of getting a lap band.  The first step was to see if my insurance covered it.  Yes, in fact they did.  It was 80/20 after my deductible.  After that, I needed to meet with a psychiatrist, the dietician, and attend a lap band seminar.  The next seminar was on July 15th, but she told me I could get my mtg with the psychiatrist and dietician in the meantime.  I did exactly what she said.  I met with both of them, attended the seminar and that same evening, made my initial appt. with Dr. Bushman for July 19th.  After that appt, they sent a letter to my insurance and told me that I needed three months of supervised diet and exercise plus monthly meetings with the dietician.  Ok, no biggie.  I was a little disappointed, but I didn't let that stop me.  I was very determined.  I have now completed my third visit with the dietician and physician.  I started my liquid diet on Monday, September, 16 2013 and am on day 3.  My beginning weight on Monday was 299.4.  Today I weighed in at 291.4.  -8 lbs in 48 hours makes me one happy mama.  Is the liquid diet hard? Yes!  Why? I haven't quite figured it out.  I am tired, but I've been tired for several weeks now.  I'm not sure why that is.  Am I hungry? Yes, but I don't feel starved to death.  I don't crave sugar.  I am craving meat, cheese, and maybe nuts.  Have I cheated?  Nope!  I am very proud to say that I haven't!  I am quite shocked, and proud of myself, actually.  I really, really worried about it because I am home all day.  I have to prepare breakfast, lunch and dinner for all the kids.  I am SO LUCKY and THANKFUL that Cecil is doing it with me!!  He said he would do every step of the process with me.  I am so glad!  It makes it so much easier knowing that he is going through this with me.  We can consume Protein shakes (I bought specific ones from Dr. Bushman) or Atkins ones, low sodium beef/chicken broth or sugar free jello/Popsicles.  That's it!  Nothing more. But really, I am doing ok! I haven't heard from Yolanda yet, so I am not exactly sure on my surgery date, but we are thinking either next Thursday, Friday, or the following Monday.  (Sept. 26, 27 or 30) The 27th would be the best day for Cecil and myself.  But really, I just want it done so bad!  I have looked into this for years!  I have been to many seminars before.  I have asked all the questions, I have done a lot of research.  It is proven that if you have 100+ lbs to lose, the probability of doing it without WLS is very low.  They say  you can lose the weight, but you will probably gain it all back and plus some without some sort of tool to help you.  That is what I am getting. (hopefully next week!) I am getting the tool that will help me lose this weight once and for all!  I know it won't be a magic cure.  It won't automatically make me thin.  It will be a tool.  I will still have to make good choices.  I will still have to eat the right things and meal plan and always be aware of what I am putting into my mouth.  But I will feel full a lot faster, I will feel full a lot longer and I will over all be a lot more successful. 

This is the start to a new me.  I am so excited!  I can't wait to be healthier. I can't wait to have more energy.  I can't wait to have a much better quality of life!  (And I can't wait to have a better bedroom life with my handsome and loving and supportive husband!!) I can't think of any reason why this would not be the best weight loss decision for me and my entire family!

Taken Sept 7, 2013 - Cecil's Birthday             Taken in Aug. 2013