Protein Shakes

Orange, banana, chocolate, vanilla...it doesn't matter the flavor, they all are HORRIBLE!! I gag just to get them down.  But on the HUGE bonus side, I am down 16.2 lbs. in a week! That is not so horrible. :) It makes me quite happy, in fact.  It makes me see that I can do this. 

Yesterday was just an all around not so good day.  It started with the night before.  I drank a new vanilla protein shake and within a few hours, I was really, really dizzy; to the point that I vomited.  It was pretty bad.  I was incredibly weak and just felt sick.  Then Sunday morning started out rough, getting the kids out the door for church and then just some misunderstandings with Cecil and I.  He told me on the way to church that he just didn't think I was ready for this journey.  It really got me thinking.  Am I ready to not have food be a major part of my life?  Am I ready and able to say no to food when it is offered to me?  Am I going to be able to do this?  I thought about it all day.  We talked some more about it when we got home.  He told me he just wanted his happy Mandy back.  I'm not happy when I can't be in the kitchen.  That is where I feel like my talents are.  I miss that, but I also know that I will be able to cook again.  I will be able to bake again.  I just can't do a lot of that right now because it is too hard when I can only have these silly protein shakes.  Then last night we fed the Elders.  Cecil and I decided together that we would just eat a little bit of the meat and sauce but no noodles from the lasagna.  We also had a little bit of salad and a chocolate chip cookie.  We had about the same amount of portion that I will be eating after I am banded.  I was fine!  Did I want more?  Of course.  But was I full?  Of course!  That experience made me realize that, yes, indeed, I want the band.  I want to continue on this journey that I started a week ago today.  I can do this and I will be healthier and happier for doing it.  It is going to be hard.  I know that.  I know that some days will suck.  I walked two miles this morning and now I am starving.  I don't get my shake for another 4 hours.  I will just have to be hungry this morning.  It felt really good to get back on the road this morning though.  I didn't get out once last week.

I can face this challenge.  I will become a better person for it.  I will never see the number on the scale that I saw last Monday again.  I will never see the number on the scale that I saw today again!  I am ready for my divorce with food!